she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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