I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize