Quick, to the slutcave!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
