guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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