Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
