So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
