btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
