I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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