Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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