Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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