I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
