i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
