i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
