have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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