sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just want nice things and good sex
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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