road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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