i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
