Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
