I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
