Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
