it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
