No stitches, just platelets and will power
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
