I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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