Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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