Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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