The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
pray to the hookup gods
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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