he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
