So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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