You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
