I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can you bring me the toilet please
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
