i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
