The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
420 ftw
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
