I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
