I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
