first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
