My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
