# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just found puke in my bra..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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