were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Randomize
