I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
