Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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