the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
