It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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