Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
