I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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