I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
