you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
