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Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
