I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
