I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
