I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
