WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
