This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize