Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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