If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
