Dual....:-)
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
