whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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