My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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