You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
