I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
