so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
