This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is wine microwaveable?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
