I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
