If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need to align my fucking chakras
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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