If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
