I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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