why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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