Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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