Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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