oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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